Something happened to me, except I don’t exactly know what that “something” is. I just know I’m unhappy. I know I spend my days feeling monotonous and overwhelmed. I take on tasks that constantly switch and I don’t have any sense of consistency. I no longer do what I love or even feel like doing it.
Maybe…just maybe this is a form of depression? For me, I’ll call it a rut.

Backtracking story:
It started in 2013. I was overweight and miserable about it. I was in an unhealthy, mentally abusive relationship and fed up. I needed change BIG TIME. So I talked to a friend of mine who was coaching for Beachbody. She said start with P90X3 and see how it goes. I bought the DVD and just went for it. 35 pounds later, I was somebody else. During those few months of losing the weight I gained after having kids, I ended my relationship and started discovering myself. It took a little while longer for me to jump on board with coaching but once I did, I realized I loved it. The funny thing is, I didn’t love it because I was obsessed with working out (I actually wasn’t) but instead because I was able to help others find the same light within them that I had found. It was the message I was sending that I became so interested in. The idea that I could help somebody, regardless of if it was weight related or not. After awhile I was doing trainings to evaluate myself, to learn forgiveness, to meditate, to even teach myself about universal law. I put out the vibe that this was my interest and I’ll be damned if I say that it didn’t come right back to me.
I loved it.
Then life happened.
Things weren’t easy for me for a very long time and somewhere along the lines, I lost myself again. Every time I gained some sense of self, it was once again gone again. Is this some kind of sick pattern??
Nope. This is called continuously working on yourself. Which is something I’ve been slacking on doing for what feels like years now. To a degree I always evaluated myself and attempt to make adjustments but right about now I’m lost. I’ve become so far off course that I’m not even sure I’m on the same planet as the person I once was.
I guess the “something” that happened to me was life, myself, my inconsistency and quite frankly, having another kid. Throw a boyfriend into the mix, a few years later a house and hell, we should just get a dog at this point. Just kidding…a dog can wait.

Seriously though….life can be unpredictable and exhausting. Which is exactly why I should have never gotten so far off track. But here I am and I know I’m not the only one.

My solution? Well….fix the track. I need to pull myself out of this rut I’m in and rediscover myself. I need to find my passions again.
Starting today I decided things would be changing. Might be slow changes but as the days go on, the changes will come. And every day I will do something to “fix” my unhappiness.
Today so far, I drank A LOT of water, ate Oatmeal and such but nothing full on prepped yet. Also, I walked almost 3 miles. Cardio for the count! I’m known for listening to audios and didn’t today but hey…I’m just starting, right?
Tomorrow…well, I’ll let you know tomorrow. For now though, let’s just say I’m becoming somebody new and if you’re doing that too, let me know about it :).